Ack! Glowing Elk In Ore. … And Other Silliness

If I was a slightly cannier hunter/editor, I’d use this chair to try and keep fellow sportsmen out of my neck of the fall woods. No deer here, they’ve all been et up by predators, yes sir, try the other corner of the state.

Alas, the numbers actually show that my hot spot could be pretty good for muleys, so being a somewhat diligent journalist, I have to report just how good in our October issue — here’s hoping my hunting partners don’t run me out of camp next month.

This morning, however, word from the Sisters, Ore., area on a novel new way to try and keep sportsmen away from the local big game herds:

Writes Mark Freeman of the Medford Mail-Tribune:

… The fliers, printed on Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife letterhead, warned that radioactive salt licks had been placed in nearby woods for deer and elk so they could be tracked by satellite.

Whether hunters or some huckster from over in Eugene put them up is unclear.

But it certainly lends itself to confirming for tinfoil-hat types that state biologists are “hell-bent on ensuring people don’t kill and eat the animals they manage,” as Freeman writes.

Never mind that a survey of those bios from a few years ago showed that 75 percent of them fished and/or hunted, though the percentage of Federal biologists was lower (for a copy of the study, call up Jon Anderson at WDFW Oly, 360-902-2200).

Or, as the columnist continues, “Ironically, these are the same biologists whom animal-rights activists believe are in the hunters’ back pockets and disgruntled hunting factions insist are too knuckleheaded to count deer in the field properly.”

In the rest of his piece, Freeman touches on fantastic tales of black helicopters, undercover transplants of wolves and under-the-table sales of Chinook at state hatcheries.

Don’t get me wrong: Our state bios bear watching (this summer, ODFW began inviting regular Joes and Janes out for a day with their crew), and hunters and anglers have pretty sharp eyes which can help them as well as enforcement officers out.

But I gotta hand it to whomever came up with the radioactive elk thing. Just might have to post some of those leaflets (sans the official letterhead, which may get someone in trouble with OSP) around my deer woods this fall. I get the feeling there may be a few more hunters out and about.

And if me and the horde don’t notch our tags, I can always take a page from Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72, where he advances a rumor (one he made up) about a candidate’s new dependence on Ibogain, and blame our foul luck on those bastard bios who poisoned all the game off.

UPDATE 11:14 A.M. LATE WORD FROM THE JUNCTION CITY AREA THAT THIS YEAR ODFW HAS BEEN FEEDING ITS PEN-RAISED PHEASANTS FOR RELEASE ON WESTERN OREGON WILDLIFE AREAS RADIOACTIVE GRAIN TO BETTER TRACK THEIR MOVEMENTS OFF THOSE PUBLIC LANDS, LIKE WE ALL KNOW THAT REALLY HAPPENS — YOU’RE SO BUSTED, TODD LUM, MARK VARGAS AND MARK WOLFER!!

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One Response to “Ack! Glowing Elk In Ore. … And Other Silliness”

  1. Hanford Reach Steelheading Starts Out Good « Northwest Sportsman Says:

    […] Reach Steelheading Starts Out Good By Andy Walgamott As long as today’s topics involve radioactive game, we might as well post a fresh fishing report for the Hanford […]

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