Sequim Retirees Shocked At Town Name’s Hunting Link

Retirees who flocked to what they thought were the “quiet waters” of Sequim were horrified to learn that the northern Olympic Peninsula town’s Indian name actually means place to go shootin’ critters.

The Peninsula Daily News today reports that an expert in dying languages recently determined the word’s true origin based on interviews with Klallam tribal elders.

As to the “quiet waters” translation, (Timothy) Montler (a linguistics professor at the University of Texas) said: “That’s something that somebody made up.”

It set off a great wailing across the broad, lavender plain of the Dungeness River, where Klallam warriors used to hunt ducks and elk.

“I simply will not live in a place linked in any way to the despicable activity known as hunting,” said an elderly man in a Seattle T-shirt who would only give his nickname, “Nordy.”

“To think of all those poor old innocent mallards and Roosevelt elks killed makes my heart cry,” added a female friend, who wore a badge of the Vegan/Vegetarian Club of Sequim.

They were out walking matching well-coiffed toy poodles along Quiet Place above this town of 8,000 but then had to beat a hasty retreat after a giant bull elk approached too closely.

A cougar then chased the elk, but was divebombed by some Canada geese. A state Fish & Wildlife enforcement officer rushed to the scene to keep the peace.

But informed of Sequim’s new translation, he drew his .40-caliber Glock and dropped all the animals.

It also set off much hand-wringing at the chamber of commerce where “Quiet waters’ is written on every piece of literature” ever written about the town, one staffer told a Seattle blogger.

Undoubtedly, captains of commerce in other cities with Indian names across the Northwest worry that Professor Montler will soon be working in their neighborhoods.

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